Rahm Emanuel Wins Chicago Mayoral RaceChicago's grueling race for mayor is over; results have been called, and the winner is... Richard Daley's secret brother Cosmo! Kidding. Kidding! The winner, as has been predicted forever, is foul-mouthed former White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel.

By taking home more than 50 percent of the vote, Emanuel avoids a runoff and is granted the right of Prima Nocte within city environs. For more, we turn, as we always do when we hear news of Emanuel, to the allegedly parodic Twitter account @MayorEmanuel:

FIFTY FOUR MOTHERFUCKING PERCENT, BITCHES.Wed Feb 23 01:43:00 via web

If you have a giant fucking pile of money and a bunch of dumb fucks running against you, DREAMS DO COME TRUE.Wed Feb 23 02:14:45 via web

Good luck, Chicago! Try not to make him mad.