Tennesseeans Attempt to Make Not Robbing Banks a Felony

Worried about the ever-encroaching menace of Muslims practicing their religion? You may want to move to Tennessee, where State Sen. Bill Ketron (pictured) and state Rep. Judd Matheny are introducing a bill that would "make following the Islamic code known as Shariah law a felony, punishable by 15 years in jail." Nashville-based Imam Mohamed Ahmed wonders:

"What do you mean, really, by saying I can't abide by Shariah law?" he said. "Shariah law is telling me don't steal. Do you want me to steal and rob a bank?"

To which we say, yes, duh, because if Muslims think robbing banks is bad then we are 110 percent pro-bank robbery. This is how patriotism works! Muslims don't eat pork? Then from now on, Americans only eat pork. Muslims consider it a religious obligation to help the poor? Fuck the poor. Here's a quick guide to some of the other Shariah-sanctioned activities that would be felonized by Ketron and Matheny's law:

  • Giving money to the poor
  • Not gambling
  • Not eating pork and shellfish.
  • Staying sober
  • Not charging interest on loans
  • Dressing modestly

Print it out and keep it in your pocket! You wouldn't want to be arrested for following Shariah law.

[Tennessean; image via AP]