The Oscar Predictions You Really Care About

In advance of Sunday night's Academy Awards, a million magazines and websites have been predicting who will end up winning the big awards. But what about all the other things people will be talking about Monday morning? Here are our predictions for the things you really care about.

We all know that the Best Picture Oscar will go to either The King's Speech or The Social Network, but you probably won't remember which one won in a month. And yet no one will ever forget Sally Fields' "You like me, you really like me," Oscar speech. And that was eons ago! The real things that are memorable are the inspiring, awful, comical, and disastrous. Here are our (admittedly wacky) predictions for what is going to make big news this year.

The Oscar Predictions You Really Care About

Worst Dressed

Obviously nominee Helena Bonham Carter is going to wear some ridiculous get-up involving feathers, lace, and some goth cast offs from Hot Topic, but I sort of love her for always wearing something different. Sure, all the tabloids will call her worst dressed, but that's sort of like knowing that Lindsay Lohan will wear something skanky to court. Who will be the real worst dressed? I'm getting a strong Nicole Kidman vibe. She's very hit or miss, and did you see the trash she wore to the Grammys? Not a good look.

Best Dressed

I'm going with Sandra Bullock. Not only has she been out of the public eye for most of the year, but she'll be presenting Best Actor. Combine that with the public shaming she faced at the hands of Jesse James after last year's ceremony and you know she's had her stylist army working overtime to find something stunning.

The Oscar Predictions You Really Care About

Worst Acceptance Speech

Based on what happened at the Golden Globes we're assuming that Natalie Portman is going to do something totally inappropriate. But did you know that we're going to hear from the acting nominees' mothers? Considering the relationship he has with his mum, and the tenuous relationship he has with sanity, by the time Christian Bale gets to the podium he is to unleash a cringe-worthy gem.

Best Acceptance Speech

It's always during the lesser awards (documentaries, sound mixing, etc) when everyone is refreshing their drinks and diving for the Chex Mix at their Oscar parties when something really interesting happens. This year it's going to be when mysterious street artist Banksy gets his trophy for Best Documentary for Exit Through the Gift Shop. Who knows what insane stunt he's going to pull. But, then again, he might not win because everyone is afraid of just the kind of stunt he's probably planning right now.

The Oscar Predictions You Really Care About

First to Cry

This does not include seasoned CNN fashion reporter Camille Grammer's inevitable breakdown on the red carpet before the show even starts. Best Supporting Actress is usually one of the first awards of the night, and whoever wins—be it The Fighter's Melissa Leo or True Grit tot Hailee Steinfeld—is going to bust out the water works. Count on it.

Biggest Flub

One of the presenters always messes up the stupid banter they've been given to spout before opening an envelope. Thanks to his natural propensity toward intoxication and jitters from also being nominated, we suspect Jeff Bridges will do something to make you go Hmm.

Biggest Applause During 'In Memoriam'

Every year the Academy shows a montage of dead people, and the crowd judges their worth with applause. There are a few good contenders for a rousing response this year—Leslie Nielsen, Blake Edwards, Oscar making publicist Ronni Chasen—but we bet the largest ovation will be reserved for Dennis Hopper.

The Oscar Predictions You Really Care About

Recipe for Disaster

Gwyneth Paltrow is singing. I repeat Gwyneth Paltrow is singing!

Who Will Ryan Seacrest Blow Off on the Red Carpet?

We know he's going to have to say hi to Winter's Bone nominee Jennifer Lawrence, but as soon as someone more famous walks by, he's going to shove her off to talk to Angelina or Kate or Cate or Scarlett. I hope Jennifer Lawrence cuts him.

Best Off-Script Performance

For some strange reason Russell Brand is presenting an award. You know he'll decide whatever he has to say is funnier than whatever Bruce Villanch wrote for him and is scrolling across a teleprompter. It will either be amazing or horrendous, but legendary either way.

James Franco or Anne Hathaway?

James Franco is a self-serious, self-styled "artiste." Anne Hathaway, as we have discovered, is not funny. Who will be embarrassed more? We call this one a draw. A glorious, wonderful, painful, memorable draw.

Have any predictions of your own? Add them to the comments.

[Images via Getty]