Two and a Half Men shuts down for the season, Susan Sarandon heads to 30 Rock, Chelsea Handler will play her own older sister, and preview Gwenyth Paltrow's latest song for Glee.

ABOVE: A scene from Portlandia, which finishes its freshman season on IFC tonight at 10:30pm. Set those DVRs! [Plover]

What's New on TV Tonight

8 PM — 9 PM
ABC: Supernanny
CBS: The Defenders
NBC: Who Do You Think You Are?
FOX: Kitchen Nightmares
The CW: Smallville
Syfy: WWE Friday Night Smackdown
OWN: Season 25: Oprah Behind the Scenes

9 PM — 10 PM
FOX: Fringe
PBS: Need To Know
The CW: Supernatural
BBC America: Law & Order: U.K.
ABC: Primetime: What Would You Do?
Travel Channel: Ghost Adventures
TLC: Say Yes to the Dress
Teen Nick: Degrassi
OWN: Your OWN Show

10 PM — 11 PM
ABC: 20/20
CBS: Blue Bloods
Syfy: Merlin
E!: The Soup and Fashion Police
IFC: Onion News Network and Portlandia (Season Finale)
TLC: DC Cupcakes (Season Premiere)
Discovery: Gold Rush: Alaska: Full Disclosure
Current: Bar Karma
STARZ: Spartacus: Gods of the Arena

Tonight's Late Night Guests

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Emily Blunt, Jackson Murphy, Darlene Love (NBC)
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon: Jason Sudeikis, Amber Heard, Cyril Renaud
Late Show with David Letterman: Matthew Morrison, Jeff Altman, Jessica Lea Mayfield
Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson: Melissa Leo, Phil Keoghan (CBS)

In TV News...

  • After Charlie Sheen's latest horrible rant on the radio, the set of Two and a Half Men has shut down for the rest of the season. [TVLine]
  • Susan Sarandon is popping up on the March 17th episode of 30 Rock. Surprise! [Vulture]
  • Chelsea Handler will reportedly play her own older sister on Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea. (Laura Prepon is slated to play the NBC-friendly, TV version of Chelsea.) [E! Online]
  • So this is weird: Bill O'Reilly made some kind of claim that he may appear on Glee, stating that he had just visited the set. [TV Squad]
  • Simon Cowell told Ryan Seacrest that despite not having booked a host for X Factor yet, he or she will definitely be American. Please say it's Paula! [Ryan Seacrest]
  • True Blood's Michael McMillian will guest star on Hot In Cleveland. [TVLine]
  • Prepare yourself for Sunday by watching these 5 Oscar-nominated movies on Netflix. [Whacha Gonna Queue]
  • Hooray! Parks and Recreation's ratings are up—which is a feat, considering that it competes directly with American Idol. [TVLine]
  • Preview Gweynth Paltrow's latest song for Glee— a cover of Fleetwood Mac's "Landslide." [TV Squad]

Around the Web...

  • Nikki Finke has a bunch of Oscar-Night spoilers that you can read, if you feel so inclined. [Deadline]
  • Here are the first stills from the new Toy Story short that takes place in Hawaii. [Vulture]
  • That "Cats That Look Like Ron Swanson" site? Nick Offerman tells Vulture that he's seen it: "I guess it was about two days ago, I was suddenly plagued by 40 different people sending it to me, saying, 'I assume you've seen this." [Vulture]
  • Listen to Louis C.K. ask Donald Rumsfeld if he's some kind of alien lizard. [Splitsider]
  • Here's an adorable interview with Amy Poeher's parents. [Wall Street Journal]
  • These modeling photos of Top Chef contestant Carla Hill are stunning. Get on with your bad self, girl! [iVillage]
  • Joel McHale is in talks to join Ted, a live-action comedy by Seth MacFarlane. [Deadline]
  • Read Disney's 1976 rejection letter to Tim Burton. [Vulture]
  • James Van Der Beek stars in Ke$ha's latest video. Did they meet over at the Funny or Die offices or something? [Movieline]