The Night Charlie Sheen Ranted Twice and Lost Everything

Women begin to flee Charlie Sheen and CBS cancels his show, but he says they just "can't handle my power." Dianna Agron's "psycho" ex-boyfriend's house catches fire. Christina Aguilera gets drunk and bangs her boyfriend in the bathroom at a family get-together. TGIFriday gossip.

  • Charlie Sheen self-immolated last night: From his orgiastic hideaway in the Bahamas, he called a conservative talk radio show and went on a psychotic rant. CBS promptly canceled the rest of the current season of Two and a Half Men, and Sheen responded with yet another rant, this time emailed to TMZ. Meanwhile, battered Sheen ex Brooke Mueller (who recently moved back in with him) has fled Charlie's Bahamanian abode: "There was a whole firestorm yesterday about Brooke being part of our crew […] We were four and are now three. Goodbye Brooke. Good luck in your travels. You're going to need it badly." Sheen remains on the island with marijuana bikini model Natalie Kenly and porn star Bree Olson, who issued a single statement on the fiasco, via Twitter: "I don't do drugs and neither does anybody around me. I used to drink occasionally and don't even do that anymore. Yeah, I love sex, so what?" [TMZ, X17, image via Getty]
  • Meanwhile, Charlie seems to think he'll get his own show on HBO next. He also says he's going to take a drug test on Monday and pass it. A producer from one of Charlie's upcoming movies says they're thinking about dumping Sheen. [Radar, Radar, TMZ]
  • The home of Alex Pettyfer, psycho ex of Dianna Agron, caught on fire last night, shortly after the tabloids went crazy with stories about how he is a "ballistic" "loose cannon" who "has been losing his shit," and struck out with the latest object of his affection, Beastly co-star Vanessa Hudgens. Is it just me, or is this turning into a Lifetime special about the dangers of love addiction? [MyFoxLA, Celebitchy]
  • Speaking of drunk messes: Christina Aguilera got trashed and fucked her boyfriend in the bathroom at a family get-together. Afterwards, she called her brother's wife a "whore." Hey, Britney Spears: Xtina sees your "oversexed trashy mess" and raises you one "drunk meanie." [Us, Celebitchy]
  • Previously unseen images of a post-Chris Brown assault Rihanna have surfaced, and they're even worse than the one we saw before. I don't recommend looking, but I guess I have to provide the link, that's how this works, right? Ugh. [MediaTakeOut]
  • Kathy Griffin might be dating the Old Spice Guy, or it might be a publicity stunt. [Us]
  • Robert Pattinson is a hoarder. He has "storage spaces all over the world" stuffed full of books, clothes, and the desiccated corpses of the teen girls whose blood he drinks to maintain his youthful complexion. [DigitalSpy]
  • In the age of Bridezillas, Kelsey Grammer is king: He plans to wed his third wife on the stage of his Broadway musical, with an actor performing the nuptial rites and the congregation "in the audience seats." This has the potential to morph into a radically narcissistic festival of eye-rolling, but since La Cage Aux Folles is about drag queens and Kelsey seems to want to pay tribute to the show with his nuptials, there is also potential that this turns into one of those rare weddings that is actually entertaining. Depends on whether or not Kelsey wears a dress, basically. [P6]
  • Have we talked about how Kanye West thinks abortions cost $100,000? Because he does. "It ain't happen to me but I know people," he tweeted. I ain't saying she a gold digger, but her financial records were somewhat questionable. [@KanyeWest, @KanyeWest]
  • The LAPD is protecting Sharon Stone from a psycho stalker. I recommend the ol' Basic Instincts ice pick trick. [TMZ]