Stress Won't Keep You From Getting Pregnant, Unfortunately

Pregnancy stress! Suzanne Somers cures cancer! Kidney transplant fight! Elderly STDs! Locked in happiness! Lady PTSD! Boxing fitness! Charlie Sheen rehab! And monster testing! It's your Friday Health Watch, where we watch your health—one child at a time!

  • Good news, baby ladies: a new study says that "being worried or tense does not affect one's chances of becoming pregnant." Although becoming pregnant ensures you'll be worried and tense for the rest of your life.
  • Suzanne Somers is selflessly going on television to share her tips about the creams and vitamins she take which keep her cancer-free. Scoff at Suzanne Somers, will you? You will die of cancer.
  • A new proposal would give transplanted kidneys to younger and healthier patients before older and sicker patients. The proposal was proposed by the Young and Healthy People Awaiting Kidney Transplants Association.
  • The U.S. government may start paying for STD tests for the elderly. Uhh.. I don't want to know! Amirite? I don't even want to know! You know what I'm saying guys? I don't even want to know!
  • Can you imagine having "locked in syndrome," where you were totally paralyzed except for blinking, but still fully aware? Well imagine it! Because most of them are actually A-Okay with life and not depressed. Yes, fully paralyzed people are happier than you. Think about that one long and hard.
  • Women are always getting PTSD so much more than dudes. Why? Cause women have higher levels of pituitary adenylate cyclase-activating polypeptide. And shoes!
  • "Boxing for fitness. Is it for you?" No.
  • For some reason Charlie Sheen's own rehab program has drawn "skepticism." Huh.
  • Here's a story about a young girl who was saved from a facial disorder. Does this make you mad? Then you're a monster. This is a medical test to see if you're a monster.

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