Under pressure from campus LGBT groups, the New Brunswick campus of New Jersey's largest university has decided to make three of their dorms gender-neutral housing. Meaning, yes, boys and girls can live together in dry hump heaven.

The changes, which some are speculating were made partly in reaction to the Tyler Clementi tragedy, would take effect next fall and only affect about 100 students living in Demarest Hall (the hippie liberal mecca of Special Interest Housing), New Gibbons and Rockoff Hall. From the Star-Ledger:

Students will get into the dorms through the student housing lottery, campus officials said. Then, students will be given the option of naming a roommate of either sex. Parents will not be permitted to veto their children's roommates. Undergraduates will not be asked to reveal if they are gay.

"We're not asking students their relationships," said Joan Carbone, the university's executive director of residence life. "People should not have to declare their sexual preference to us."

The halls will include gender-neutral bathrooms, where men and women share bathing facilities. Individual shower stalls will have doors instead of curtains to allow for more privacy, residence life officials said. Access to the locked bathrooms will be limited to residents with key cards.

So of course this means that little Suzie and that weasel boyfriend of hers will be living together and, though you're paying all the bills, there's not a goddamned thing you can do about it. So it's going to be syphilis and babies galore come winter break. That is exactly what will happen! It is not about gay students at all. It is about your child fucking her boyfriend.

The thing I'm most concerned about, actually, is the housing lottery aspect. There are 28,000 undergrads at Rutgers-New Brunswick, so 100 kids getting to do this is a very small percentage of the student body. Meaning that if Suzie decides she wants to live with her weasel boyfriend, or more likely with her bestie theater department buddy Lance, there's a good chance they won't get a room together. Meaning the housing lottery will be over and it'll be too late to pick same-sex roommates and they'll both be stuck with randos! Kids, think this through. There is nothing worse than getting screwed in the housing lottery shuffle. I respect making a big play — we went for the sweet four-mans senior year knowing we could end up in the worst senior dorm, but figured the risk was worth it. We ended up in the worst senior dorm — but weigh your options carefully.

Anyway, good for you, Rutgers. Hope you have a big nursery!!!

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