But even in the midst of losing his sons, Sheen gained a new (non-porn) family: The 600,000-plus followers on his brand-new Twitter account. Yes, Charlie Sheen joined Twitter on Tuesday (so did Kiefer Sutherland, meaning we just need Oliver Platt and Chris O'Donnell for a Three Musketeers Twitter reunion), and seems to have set some kind of speed record for followers, amassing well over 600,000 at the time of this post's publication. And for that family, eager to watch the ongoing trainwreck/manic episode/consciousness-awakening of their favorite Hot Shots cast member, Sheen did not disappoint.

This is his first Tweet, accompanied by the leftmost photo you see above:

He posted the photograph of himself with what appears to be a homemade Oscars-themed art project next, accompanied only by "2012" and "Winner," a word that appears to have gained some kind of totemic quality for Sheen. The final photograph is of his watch ("the only watch that keeps warlock time") and the 1927 World Series ring he wears that once belonged to Babe Ruth.

"My sons' [sic] are fine," he later Tweeted, after they had been taken from him, "My path is now clear... Defeat is not an option!..." He did not elaborate. Sheen then solicited questions from his "people" (hashtag: #tigerblood), but declined to answer any, preferring instead to Tweet at, among others, boxer Floyd Mayweather, comedian Natasha Leggero (who had earlier Tweeted, "Charlie Sheen is our Egypt") and rapper Diddy, who Sheen told to "get dressed" because he was "sending the driver."