Christina Aguilera's Miserable Mugshot Makes Its DebutS

Christina Aguilera's mugshot wasn't supposed to be released, but here it is, anyway. Scarlett Johansson gives Sean Penn a lap dance with her foot. Montana Fishburne narrowly avoids jailtime. Wednesday gossip sneaks forbidden peeks.

  • Since Christina Aguilera isn't being charged with a crime for the night she was so sloppy drunk the cops threw her in the slammer to dry out, her mugshot will never be released. But! The valiant gossipmongers at E! scored a picture of it, anyway, because "sometimes a camera is just in the right place at the right time." Among the (myriad) differences between tabloid reporters and normal reporters: Tabloids feign ignorance about the provenance of their scoops, because it seems less creepy if all these leaked documents and vaguely invasive (but totally thrilling) photographs randomly fell into their laps. It's a little like the pretty smart girl from high school who pretends she aces every test without studying, because she thinks it's better for her reputation if she succeeds effortlessly. In this case, the pretty smart girl gets an A+. That's one miserable mugshot, Christina. [E!, images via Getty and E!]
  • Speaking of Xtina, her entourage is "pleading" with her to go to rehab again. Remember the time she threatened to fire anyone who brought that up? Oh, how a haggard mugshot and night in the drunk tank changes things. [TMZ]
  • Scarlett Johansson and Sean Penn went out to lunch, and she either gave him a lap dance with her foot, or used his lap as a footstool. There are pictures. [TMZ]
  • Celebrity child gone wild Montana Fishburne has miraculously avoided jail time for assault with a deadly weapon, battery, and trespass for the time she allegedly busted into her boyfriend's ex-girlfriend's house and beat her to the ground. We must continue using the word "allegedly" because Montana pleaded "no contest." Montana's sentence: 180 days in rehab, thanks to the preferred lawyer of troubled starlets, Shawn Chapman Holley, who is trying to pull off a similar feat for Lindsay Lohan. [TMZ]
  • Your daily Charlie Sheen update is here. In a nutshell: It's all fun and games until the crazy man threatens to stab a loved one in the face with a pen knife. [Gawker]
  • Ryan Phillippe and Amanda Seyfried "were all over each other and making out all night" at Madonna's post-Oscar party, even though Ryan's ex-wife Reese Witherspoon was also at the party, accompanied by her new fiance. Wasn't there an episode of Glee where that happened? I will never understand why the most beautiful people in the world insist on subjecting themselves to an extended experience of high school awkwardness, repeatedly, at Hollywood parties. [P6]
  • Alex Pettyfer's punishment for going "psycho loose cannon" on ex-girlfriend Dianna Agron: "His agents told him not to go to the February 26 Night Before party." Bad actor, no free booze or red carpet for you. Apparently his agents are thinking about firing him, because his career is barely off the ground and already he has "become a liability." [Us]
  • Ryan Gosling and Olivia Wilde went on a date to the Cincinnati aquarium. He ain't no Italian prince, but he'll do. [Us]
  • Life imitates sitcom: 30 Rock actor Judah Friedlander may have bagged improbably gorgeous older actress Susan Sarandon when she worked, briefly, on his show. [P6]
  • Who will be Kate Middleton's lady-in-waiting? Probably Helen Asprey, who already works for the royal family. Once Kate gets good at being a princess, though, she might invite her sister or a cousin to do it. [People]
  • Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez went to Pinkberry on Biebs' birthday. Nothing says "I am 16 going on 17" like a spoonful of pink fro-yo. [TMZ]
  • Serena Williams suffered a pulmonary embolism last week, and last night a hematoma forced her to seek emergency treatment at Cedars-Sinai. Get well soon, Serena. [People]