New York City police busted a marijuana-growing operation inside a house in Staten Island Monday that was so skunky that—and we are directly quoting a leading tabloid here—"cops who raided the place nearly got stoned, police said." That's right: "You almost got a contact high by just going into the house," said a law-enforcement source. "It was like a heavy, earthy pot smell."

Sure. The news is equally bad in Oakland, where the city's plan to open massive legal weed farms to solve all of Oakland's financial troubles have been quashed by—just as you suspected—The Man. The Federal Government Man. Now all the big weed growers will just go to a neighboring state where it is legal, or, you know, just grow it in a house on Staten Island, in secret.

Do you feel, like, weird? I swear I'm high just from the air in here. Oh my god. My mom is totally gonna know I was in here.

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