Northwestern Prez Vows to Investigate Hot Live Fucksaw Action

Northwestern University: so awesome, it's too awesome for the President of Northwestern University. The crusty ol' prez is "launching an investigation" into the recent hot sexxxy in-class fucksaw demonstration for a Northwestern psychology class. What's the matter, Morton Schapiro— didn't get enough hot live fucksaw action the first time around?

Schapiro described himself in a statement as "troubled and disappointed" about the use of a high-powered sex toy on a naked 25-year-old woman by her 45-year-old fiance in front of more than 100 students...

Schapiro said school officials want to know exactly what happened, and why.

Don't worry Morton, it's perfectly normal to have questions after hearing that a nude woman was penetrated by a hot, ceaseless fucksaw live on stage in front of more than 100 taut young college bodies. Of course you want to know exactly what happened. What position was she in? Exactly what sorts of moans were uttered, and when? What dirty, filthy names was she called? If Morton Schapiro has to call the participants into his office to recreate this hot live fucksaw demonstration step by hot live step, well, that's just what he'll do. It's the least he can do for the sexually mature but still-curious-and-willing-to-learn-from-an-older-role-model young men and women under his supervision at Northwestern U.

[Chicago Sun-Times]