Congress Considers Murdering Big Bird and Snuffleupagus

Republican Sens. Tom Coburn and Jim DeMint have introduced a bill to cut that program that they always want to cut: subsidies for the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, overlord of PBS and NPR. We already know why Republicans want to cut NPR funding so badly, because the liberal snob station fired a reporter last fall over his patriotic belief that Muslims are terrifying. And PBS! They're downright socialist, and Jim Lehrer is a Muslim spy.

Coburn and DeMint's argument is that NPR, which gets 2% of its funding from the government, and PBS, which gets 15%, are popular enough to stand on their own, and it's time to end these dated protections in a media market with so many disparate options. Here's Democratic Sen. Tom Udall's response to that:

Supporters of continued funding for CPB, such as Sen. Tom Udall (D-N.M.), argue that cuts would impede valuable reporting and programming that commercial stations do not provide because it is not profitable.

"I also think cuts to public broadcasting are harmful to all broadcasting. We won't just lose ‘All Things Considered' or ‘Sesame Street.' We would also lose a consistent source of innovation for the broadcast industry," said Udall in a speech earlier this week to the National Association of Broadcasters.

In other words, thrusting CPB fully into the private arena would negate the whole point of public broadcasting, which is to insulate at least one TV channel and one radio station from the commercial pressures that make all other programming 100% retarded in the long run. Just imagine the look on poor Charlie Rose's face if his producer, desperately needing to juice up ratings, asked him to start wearing sexy American flag patterned short-shorts every night and to plaster his haunting pitch black backdrop with Bieber Tigerbeat covers, a mosaic of empty Miller Lite cans, and countless plus-size pornographic stills. Eventually they'd have to fire Rose himself to make way for Will Smith's latest seven-month-old pop star child to assume hosting duties and jazz up the tween demo. This is when you'll know that the race to the bottom is complete.

[Image of an unsubsidized Big Bird contemplating suicide via AP]