Celebrity Rehab Fires Real Housewife for Not Being Addicted to AnythingS

Say what you will about Celebrity Rehab ("completely and utterly despicable," for example, or, "the absolute and unquestionable nadir of Western culture"), at least it has standards: The show has apparently kicked out Real Housewives, uh, star Michaele Salahi for not being addicted to anything.

"Wouldn't you think the show would have figured that out before they cast her?" the always-inquisitive TMZ wonders; we would think that, yes, the show likely knew exactly what it was doing at every step of the way. Salahi, who with her husband Tareq crashed a White House state dinner in 2009, was apparently seeking help for "everything she has endured over the last year"; Tareq said the following words, which may or may not be describing what we would commonly accept as reality, in the following order, to Radar Online: "You know, we can show you a bunch of emails about what they wanted her to pretend to be, therefore, but that's going to come out later on with one of the major networks."

In any event, VH1's official statement tells the story much more eloquently than we ever could:

The treatment program that Celebrity Rehab documents is intended for individuals with serious substance abuse and addiction issues. Prior to the taping of the current season, producers were advised that Michaele Salahi met the criteria to be treated in this setting. However, professional assessments spanning from that time to the present, found that she did not meet such criteria. As a result, she is no longer participating in the program."

Yes, only serious substance abusers may apply to Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew.