Britney Spears Is the Most Average Famous Person Ever

Britney Spears posed for Out magazine and did a Q&A by email. She hate flying, loves Sarah Jessica Parker's shoes, and thinks "everyone should be equal."

Assuming reincarnation exists, in a previous life I think I was...
Audrey Hepburn, because she was a trend setter.

Assuming reincarnation exists, in my next life I'd life to be...
A bird, so I can fly.

My idea of hell is...
Being on a diet.

What album do you consider life-changing?
Natalie Imbruglia's Left of the Middle.

She's one Olive Garden breadstick away from having the most average taste, feelings, and opinions in America. She's so indistinct, it's astounding! This isn't criticism (far be it from me to scold someone for phoning it in on an interview) but an observation tinged with wonder: After a lifetime of lurid extremes, Britney Spears has finally emerged as the woman she was always meant to be, the blandly attractive, vaguely vapid homecoming queen from every small town in America. She is the Platonic ideal for non-threatening pleasantness:

Kissing Madonna was… Cool.

Lady Gaga is… Unique.

Christina Aguilera is… Truly talented.

Britney Spears is… ME!

I used to wonder why Britney wouldn't quit show business entirely: She doesn't need the money, and she seems to recognize that attention is a double-edged sword for her. Why not go back to Louisiana and lead a quiet, normal life? But now I think I get it: For Britney Spears, vapid interviews and releasing a handful of forgettable songs now and again is the quietest existence she can imagine. This is her version of being a wallflower: Being in the public eye, but being boring. Good for you, Britney. [OUT, photos of Britney shopping at Wal-Mart last December via INF]