Do you hear that? Yeah, that! That is the terrifying sound of Fashion Making, and it's all happening Tyra style. Prepare yourselves, because this is the Makeover episode!
Upon returning from last week's Panel, the girls walk into La Chateau to discover an enormous rope, coiling like Jack's magical beanstalk, reaching long and strong and full of hope into the ceiling above. The girls give the mysterious rope a big tug, which reveals an enormous projector-like screen. Upon the screen is inscribed each girl's destiny. Things like, "spiky brown short hair," "big, bold, and curly," "three days since stubble goatee," and "Mexico braids" foretell the coming of a dark time ahead. The girls screech and shill and caw at each other, wondering which girl gets which style.
So off they go to Le Salon, with total faith in Tyrannosaurus and her transformative fashion-making powers. Because of course! It's Tyra! And Tyra obviously knows best, she be walking the runways and everything. What Tyra hath ordered, her styling minions hath done; she has shorn and she has hair dyed, but mostly this season, she has hair weaved. So many basket weave stitches happening here. Poor Molly. Poor beautiful Molly. They bring in a weave specialist (?) who once worked with Danielle Staub and the results are truly horrifying. Even the stylist runs in with a bucket of water and throws it onto her fair head because he doesn't know what else to do and that is what one does in the case of an emergency like a fire.
You know who I love? Brittani. It has been so long since I've developed a kind of admiration for a reality show lady, and yet, I find those all too familiar butterflies a fluttering around in my stomach like it was RHONY, Season One. I liked her from day one. She's polite and kind, yet simultaneously has a winning personality. Plus, girl's a serious contender for the win. She just sits back, cool as a cucumber, ignoring the cheap plastic vinyl cutting into her legs and allowing the stylists to have their way her lovely raven locks. And she does it with such poise. Brittani, when this is all over you give me a call and we'll hang lol ttyl!
But you know who I feel bad for? Sarah. Sarah is clearly one of the smartest of the group, and thus is unfortunately the one with the lowest self-esteem. Sure, she's got a terrible haircut and a sort of Smeagol-like look to her (her own description), but she's nice enough and pretty enough so why not? All the other girls have weaves, poor thing just wants a weave for herself. Don't we all.
Before we all know it, it's time for the girls to photosynthesize. This means something about fancy couture dresses, a garden, and posing in groups. Also, Lori Goldstein is the stylist! Most of the girls don't know what this means but they do recognize the sound of a "stein" in a last name when they hear it, and they understand that this means big and important things. Little Jacqui has never met a Jew in her in life, let alone heard a word as big as that one and she is just about ready to piddle in her pants! Her eyes grow large, her lips grow larger, and her hair larger still. Bless this southern belle and her empty threats. But really it's Freckles who has the most difficulty with this challenge. What's a girl to do without a single thought her head? Not a one. There was one in there this morning, she's pretty sure. But then, ah well she'll try again tomorrow.
Every flower experiences the same process: they are planted, they sprout, they bloom, and then they wither and die. Panel is like this withering stage. It is the preamble to the inevitable death one unfortunate chrysanthemum must face. As you may have guessed, it was indeed Freckles' turn to fade and die. We will miss her Freckles and her Freckles. For the remaining girls, we wait with bated breath for next week's harvest.
As per usual, Tyra Quotes of the episode:
- I don't smell funky this time!
- Your brain, your spirit was gone?