Do you know what today is, in addition to being a tragic day of global devastation? It's Rupert Murdoch's 80th birthday! No need to comment on any issues of karma. Born into a newspaper-owning family in Melbourne in 1931, Rupert parlayed a single small newspaper in Adelaide into a national—and then global—media powerhouse. Who among us can say we have not had our lives affected by Rupert and his properties? Every time you watch The Simpsons or Bill O'Reilly, read the Wall Street Journal or a London tabloid, or watch a rerun of Napoleon Dynamite, you are, in your own way, being touched by the News Corp empire. It's amazing and not a little bit scary.

On such an occasion, we'd be rude not to get Rupert a gift. We thought of something appropriate for Australia's most famous mogul. Here's to another 80, Rupert!