Stan Lee on Which Superhero Has the Best Penis

Stan Lee finally got around to answering the most urgent question in the Marvel fanboy canon, in a Q&A with Vanity Fair:

VF: In the Kevin Smith movie Mallrats, Jason Lee asked you a question that has crossed every serious comic fan's mind at least once in his life. You dismissed it at the time, calling it a "superhero secret." Are you finally ready to answer Lee's question?
SL: Remind me.

VF: "Is the Thing's dork made out of orange rock like the rest of his body?"
SL: I never gave it a thought. I guess common sense would say it was made of orange rock too, but I always thought it was more interesting to think about Reed Richards. As you know, he had the ability to stretch, and sexually, that would seem to be a great asset in many areas.

There you have it: Mister Fantastic has a fantastic dick, and when the Thing literally gets his rocks off.

Lee also jokes about the Spiderman musical and demonstrates his favorite way to order his wife to make him a sandwich. ("By the shades of the shadowy Serapeum, will you please make me a sandwich?!") So, equal parts charming and awkwardly off-putting, which is roughly what you'd expect from an 88-year-old nerd demagogue who refers to his Twitter followers as "noble warriors." And I mean that in the warmest way possible. [Vanity Fair via Gamma Squad, image of Lee at a book signing via Getty]