Both Avril Lavigne and Zac Efron just got new tattoos in every surprising places. That got us thinking—where you decide to place your ink really says just as much about the person as whatever is depicted.
Washed-up-at-26 rocker Lavigne got a safety pin tattooed on her neck this weekend during a girls night out and our scramp boyfriend Zac got some feathery dream catcher nonsense on his inner bicep. That's got to say something about them, right? Here are the hidden meanings behind some tattoo placements.
Neck: You have some sort of personality disorder. If you get a tattoo on your upper body outside the area covered by a long-sleeve shirt, then you are just a little bit crazy. You don't care what people think but not in a way that is healthy. More in the kind of way that Travis Bickle doesn't care what people think.
Inner Bicep: You have something that you really want to share with the world but you just can't bring yourself to talk about. You hope that by putting it on your arm people will ask you about it and your secret will slowly come out.
Face: You have spent time in either: a) prison; b) a mental institution; c) both. Also, you smoke cigarettes you bought on the internet.
Bicep: This is a very manly place for a tat. It means you are insecure, lack originality, and will cheat on your wife. If this isn't the result of a mid-life crisis, you will inevitably have one in the most secretary-fucking, sports-car-driving cliched way possible.
Shoulder: You aren't afraid of making mistakes, but as soon as they happen, you pretend like you can't see them. You got a C in Algebra at community college.
Pubic Area: If you are a dude, it means you're unattractive but you have a huge dick. If you're a lady you probably know your way around a pole and a pair of platforms.
Around the Bellybutton: If you're a lady with this tattoo, it means you once wanted to be a marine biologist but then you had little Madison and had to drop out of college. But you still love Lisa Frank. If you're a gentleman, then you are undoubtedly a homosexual. And a bottom. No matter your gender, you have about a 50-50 shot of making a pornographic movie some day.
Finger: You will eventually get divorced. Trust.
Butt: You are the kind of girl who tells people she has a tattoo and when they ask if they can see, you say, "Hehehe. No!" but then after another margarita, you show them anyway. Yes, you're a tease. You also disparage women who appear in Girls Gone Wild videos.
Ankle: No matter what you say or do, no one thinks you're a badass because you got drunk on vacation and decided it was time to decorate your flesh. Please cover it with a pair of pants or a sock. Thanks.
Lower Back: Really, ladies, don't make me say it.