Madame Tussauds unveiled a wax statue of Justin Bieber today. The resulting photos of people interacting with an uncanny lump of boy-shaped wax are sort of horrifying.
One by one, the little girls lined up for the chance to press their lips against the cold, meaningless surface of Waxber's inhuman face.pis
Waxber drove the tweenagers mad with desire. Hungrily, they ran their mouths over his cheeks and rubbed their bodies against his Balenciaga pants. (Bieber donated a designer outfit for Waxber to wear.)
Bieber approached his doppelganger with trepidation. "Be careful," he whispered to himself. "It's a replicant, and highly dangerous." click image to enlarge
He jabbed his fists like pistons, unleashing long-buried rage created by years of indentured servitude as a child star. "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!" Bieber cried through salty tears, beating the breast of his inanimate clone.
Then he sidled up behing Waxber, reached around, and—hey—wait a min— click image to enlarge
Let it be known: Justin Bieber got to third base today, with a wax figure of himself. click image to enlarge
Bieber wasn't the only one anxious to test the anatomical accuracy of Waxber's crotch. click image to enlarge
"I want to be a boy!" Waxber cried as the world's tiniest cricket played the world's tiniest violin for him. (Unless it was LeAnn Rimes playing a guitar. Girlfriend's getting tiny these days.) "With this kiss," the princess whispered, "I will lock you in a dungeon of non-threatening adolescence forever." Waxber would have wept, but his plasticine eyes did not have the capacity for tears. [Images via Getty]