Live Blogging Top Chef: All-Stars, Week 14

Happy hump day! If you don't have any humping to do during the next hour or two, why not watch Top Chef and post comments about it with us instead? Our live blog is about to get under way, so join us!

Tonight's episode is not the last one of the season, by the way, despite any suggestions to that effect I may have made in last week's post. Since then, I've learned that—contrary to the pattern of Top Chef seasons past—this "all-star" edition has 16 episodes instead of 14, which means that the there will still be two episodes left to go in the season after tonight. So all you live blog regulars out there may want to update your social calendars in light of this new information. In fact, why don't you run do that now, while I take a minute to explain to any newbies out there how this live blog works?

Hello newbies! Glad you could join us! Here's how to do this thing: First, turn on your TV, and keep your laptop or computer keyboard handy. Then, when tonight's episode starts (on Bravo, at 10 pm Eastern), join the rest of us as we all post witty quips and observations about the show in the comments section below this post. Be sure to keep clicking the "All" button at the top of that section to see all the latest comments.

To get a better idea of what the whole live-blogging experience is like, you may want to check out a few of my favorite comments from our last live blog. Other highlights from last week included the following:

  • Commenter RappingTomato observed that Tom Collicchio's soul patch looks like "a Hitler mustache on the bottom of his mouth." If someone pointed that out to Tom, I wonder if he might be persuaded to shave that thing off his face once and for all?
  • We decided that Richard Blais' "troll hair" look must be the key to his mojo—mainly because, after he showed up in the Bahamas with a new "combed flat" hairstyle, his performance became (to use a Blaisian term) rather "pedestrian."
  • We came up with a new rule: Drink whenever Tiffany mentions Beaumont, Texas. That's where she's from, by the way, in case you haven't heard.
  • When Carla suffered yet another late-in-the-season elimination, commenter cletar spoke for many Carla fans by lamenting: "Damn you, undercooked pork! Damn you!"
  • We marveled that Tiffany's continued ability to underperform while escaping elimination—a knack that commenter miltonista attributed her "armor of mediocrity."

Also, we did not see Padma Lakshmi wearing a bikini, despite the many bikini-clad-Padma pics that Bravo had been publicizing prior to the episode. Perhaps we'll finally see that tonight? Here are a few things that I know will happen tonight, anyway, based on what I saw on the preview clips:

  • During the quickfire, Antonia will say: "Regardless of the boys grabbing each other first, I would've gone for Tiffany." Sadly, the situation she's describing is probably a lot less interesting than it sounds.
  • To kick off the elimination challenge, the chefs will jump off a boat into the surf, make a dash for the shore and grab stuff out of crates half-buried in the sand. As I watched this clip, the scene reminded me so much of something out of Survivor, I half-expected Jeff Probst to emerge from behind a palm tree and start handing out torches.
  • The chefs will have to go for a swim in the ocean, prompting Richard to comment: "I don't want to see Mike Isabella topless—and you don't either." I mention this last detail mainly because I wanted to work the words "Padma" and "topless" into the same post, just to see how it affects the page-view count.

OK, it's nearly 10 o'clock, so it's time to mix up a Bahama Mama using that recipe I provided last week, and then head down to the comments. Unless you forgot to buy grenadine syrup. You didn't forget, did you? You had a whole week to plan ahead!

[Image via Shutterstock]