Child Hero Taylor Swift to Ruin Important Piece of ChildhoodS

One living person beloved by children is attempting to sully the work of a dead person beloved by children, and only one can be victorious in the end. Also today: Matthew Fox is going to kill you, Darren Aronofsky thought better of it, and we might officially have our Katniss.

  • Professional feelings-haver Taylor Swift has signed on to lend her voice to the animated movie Dr. Seuss's The Lorax. "Hm… there's no young girl in The Lorax," you may be thinking to yourself. Well, fear not. They've figured that out: "Swift joins Danny DeVito, Ed Helms, Zac Efron, Rob Riggle and Betty White in the tale of a boy who searches for a way to win the affection of the girl of his dreams. He comes across the story of the Lorax, the grumpy yet charming creature who fights to protect his world. Swift will play the dream girl of the idealistic young boy (Efron). DeVito is voice of the Lorax while Helms voices Once-ler, who in the book is never shown except for his hands and arms. Riggle plays a greedy entrepreneur while White will voice Efron's wise grandmother." Um… OK. Can we change the title then to something like A Movie About ‘The Lorax' That Is Not Actually ‘The Lorax'? Because that is not The Lorax. [THR]
  • Black Swan director Darren Aronofsky has pulled out of directing the X-Men: Origins: Wolverine sequel, saying the production would keep him away from his family for too long. "As I talked more about the film with my collaborators at Fox, it became clear that the production of The Wolverine would keep me out of the country for almost a year. I was not comfortable being away from my family for that length of time," he said in a statement, adding "Also, I realized I was directing the sequel to a prequel that nobody. So, hellll no." Fox is on the hunt for a new director. My suggestion is whoever's directing those Ark Music videos. "The Wolverine is fun, fun, fun." — Sandy Kenyon. [THR]
  • Lost star Matthew Fox is going to be in a Tyler Perry movie! Well, not a Tyler Perry movie Tyler Perry movie. He's going to play the murderer in I, Alex Cross, the reboot of the old Morgan Freeman franchise in which Perry is playing the ace detective. Here's hoping Fox and Perry enjoy working together so we can get Tyler Perry's Madea Has to Go Back. [Deadline]
  • Oh, brother. At a Paleyfest event (doesn't it seem like the Paleyfest will never end?) Glee creator Ryan Murphy said that there will be a prom episode "ripped from the headlines" about Blurt (Kurt & Blaine) wanting to go to the prom together but not being allowed or something. He said "Can you imagine two boys wanting to go to the prom in Ohio?" Which… I thought the new fancy private school was supposed to be all gay-friendly? I mean there's an entire choir club of gay dudes running around in Scissor Sisters jackets called The Garblers. Why would a gay prom date be an issue? It's almost as if this show has no narrative consistency, and is just a random assemblage of songs and plot points every week. Oh, right. [EW]
  • The Wrap is claiming that Jennifer Lawrence has officially landed the role of Katniss in the much-anticipated Hunger Games movie, based on the book series about a bunch of twentysomething adults becoming slobbery teen fiction addicts who can't shut up about which hottie boombalottie is going to play sweetass Finnick. I can't imagine I know anyone like that, no siree, but I've heard that some twentysomethings have been feverishly reading every post about this movie and having conversations in bars, actual bars where adults go to drink alcohol and have adult conversations, about this very topic. How embarrassing for them! (Also: at a restaurant for adults with another adult last night, I heard that Hunter Parrish might be in the running for the role of Peeta. If that's the case, I'll just say that, uh, hey Suzanne Collins. It's not too late to add a thirty-page scene where Peeta is naked the whole time and does a lot of kissing with Gale. Just saying.) [The Wrap]
  • Unknown star Liam Neeson has worked out a deal to star in Taken 2, the sequel to his hit 2008 thriller. Hm. A sequel. OK. I mean, what's to really sequelize? Will Maggie Grace get kidnapped again? Because it's not like Neeson's character was that distinguishable, other than being a badass kick-fighter. So why not just have him frown and kick-fight in other movies and forget the sequel stuff. Movies like Gone or Grabbed or Hunted or Ripped or Sweet Dr. Kick-Fight's Great Kick-Fight Fantastifuck or Michael Collins 2: Kick-Fightin' Mick Fighting. Just do it, Hollywood. C'mon. [Deadline]

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