Tiger Woods' New Girlfriend: 22-Year-Old Party Girl Who Kisses and Tells

Tiger Woods' gentle path is in danger. Courteney Cox and David Arquette reunite. Renee Zellweger dumped Bradley because he wouldn't propose. Britney Spears gets a tutor. Monday gossip backslides.

  • Tiger Woods' reported new girlfriend: 22-year-old blonde named Alyse Lahti Johnson, who told friends she "didn't consider herself Tiger's girlfriend. They were just having a good time hooking up." Red alert! Tiger's gentle path is in danger! Especially since Alyse's apparent party girl past includes a DUI arrest. (She pleaded no contest to a lesser charge of reckless driving last year.) Alyse's stepfather is a board member at IMG, the agency that reps Tiger; when Alyse decided she wanted to train for the LPGA, her stepdad hired a coach who introduced her to the noted tapper of balls. And because Alyse bears a passing resemblance to Elin Nordegren (in non-mugshots, at least) Tiger apparently jumped on the shit. [Radar, Superficial, Tiger image via Getty, Alyse's mugshot via Pacific Coast News]
  • Speaking of Tiger Woods' gentle path, Tiger Mistress #1 Rachel Uchitel just graduated from private investigator school, and plans to specialize in investigating "cheating spouses." This is brilliant! Whereas a woman who held multiple conferences on major TV networks to discuss whether or not she slept with a married man is the worst person for the actual job of privately investigating cheating spouses, she is the best person for a reality TV show about privately investigating cheating spouses! [Radar]
  • Why did Renee Zellweger and Bradley Cooper break up? "She wanted a ring, and he just wasn't ready to propose," unlike ex-husband Kenny Chesney, who was ready to take their "fraud" relationship to the next level. "Renee even skipped the Golden Globes in January to be with Bradley when his father died." And if moral support during the death in the family member isn't worth a ring on the finger, then girlfriend, he is never popping the question. Mmm-hmm, "that's a dealbreaker," z-shaped snaps, etc. [Popeater]
  • Tiger Woods' New Girlfriend: 22-Year-Old Party Girl Who Kisses and TellsSpice Girl turned Dancing with the Stars ringer Mel B is pregnant with her third child, and announced it on the cover of Hello! I wonder if it bugs her that she had to share the cover with Victoria Beckham, because the only Spice Girl whose face can still sell a magazine is the one who couldn't sing. [Hello]
  • Hah, the Las Vegas district attorney who helped prosecute Paris Hilton for hotboxing in her boyfriend's Escalade is going to jail on a cocaine possession charge—which is one of things he charged Paris for! [People]
  • Britney Spears hired a money management tutor from UCLA's Anderson School of Management to teach her "basic skills like balancing personal accounts and time management." Newly nice Perez Hilton broke the news and gushed, "This is SUCH a positive step in the right direction! Congratulations, gurl! We are so proud of you!" Christ. I think I liked mean Perez better. Nice Perez is like reading text messages from members of a Bible study youth group. [PerezHilton]
  • More rumored victims of the celebrity-targeting, naked-picture-seeking "hacking ring" that has fallen under FBI investigation: Natalie Portman, skier Lindsey Vonn, and gymnist Carly Patterson. We need a better name for this "ring." The Sext-Seekers? The Vudgens Vadge Revealers? [TMZ]
  • Ricky Martin on coming out out of the closet: "I've been through an intense spiritual process for the last five years, especially the last two years…. I've only started." [People]
  • Estranged spouses Courteney Cox and David Arquette were spotting shopping for flowers together, which is a task ripe with possibilities, in terms of jumping to totally unfounded conclusions. This just in! Courteney and David are choosing bouquets so they can renew their vows! Courteney wants roses, but David wants lillies! Will they ever recover from this insurmontable riff? [Us]
  • Prince William wants to take Kate Middleton to Australia for their honeymoon. That's not the only down under he'll be indulging on his wedding night. Ba-dum-ching! [People]
  • And, in case you missed it this weekend: Fugee turned wannabe Haitian president Wyclef Jean was "grazed by a bullet" during a campaign stop in Port-au-Prince the night before Haiti's presidential runoff election. (Though officials ruled Wyclef ineligible to run, he is now campaigning for fellow musician-turned-politician Michel "Sweet Mickey" Martelly, a man famous for pulling his pants down during performances.) The gunshot occurred as Wyclef was stepping out of his car to talk on his phone, but it's not clear who or what the shooter was aiming at, or why. (Maybe he just hates cellphone loudmouths?) Bizarrely, Wyclef initially refused to speak to the police, which slowed the investigation down and led to mass confusion, particularly when fellow Fugee Pras Michel tweeted a joke about a machine gun and violent vengeance. It's been a super-messy election: The sitting president's favored candidate was disqualified; a cholera outbreak fucked everything up; and three supporters of Sweet Mickey's opponent, former First Lady Mirlande Manigat were shot while putting up posters for her. Sweet Mickey is currently leading in the polls, but preliminary election result won't be out until the end of March. In the meantime, Wyclef is being surprisingly demure about getting shot, saying he doesn't want it to "distract" from more important issues. I totally thought bullet-grazed Wyclef would flop and swan like a fake-injured Italian soccer player, but I have been proven wrong! I guess he's a nice guy, after all. Kind of sort of maybe. [CNN, Time, @PrasMichel]