When Capt. Owen Honor became the executive officer of the USS Enterprise, his chief mission was to gain control of the ship's nifty audio-visual materials and produce some hilarious sexist and homophobic videos. The Navy recently released them all.
Honor and three other officers were censured earlier this month after a 3-month investigation into the really not very funny "XO Movie Night" videos he imposed on the Enterprise's 3,200 sailors. Designed to show what a funny, approachable, awesome dude Honor is, they featured a whole bunch of poop jokes, stuff about how girls are lame but also hot, and gags designed to demonstrate how deeply and fundamentally NOT GAY Honor and his pals are. Basically exactly what you'd expect from a highly trained crew of professional sailors and pilots who gravely mete out death from above on our enemies every day and carry themselves with the sense of honor, decorum, and commitment appropriate to their station.
Anyway, the Navy put all the videos online earlier this month, so here are some choice excerpts showing what our brave not-gay men and women are doing when their not dropping bombs on people.
Here is Honor doing a Jay Leno man-on-the-street bit, interviewing his crew on the flight deck before a stop in Cannes. He teaches them how to say "where are the Russian hookers?" in French, asks them if they're going to look at all the boobies on the nude beaches, and makes fun of them for being gay because THEY ARE ACTUALLY TOTALLY NOT GAY.
In this man-on-the-street skit, Honor calls one of his sailors "gay 24/7" which is funny because SERIOUSLY NO GAYS ON THIS SHIP MAN, fantasizes about taking a shower with one of his female sailors, and speculates that one of his crew members needs a banana hammock to properly secure his enormous penis. Then he talks to some old lady who says his videos are fine as long as no one is "sending them to the secretary of defense." Ha!
And here is Honor talking to a parrot about all the hookers in Busan, South Korea. "I like hookers," he says.
Here's a video created not by Honor but by his successor Capt. John Dixon, who made the unwise decision to carry on Honor's tradition. It features a female sailor in dress blues slowly disrobing down to her bikini as she gives the ship's daily newscast, making jokes about how fucked all those poor stupid Iraqis will be when U.S. forces leave (she announces news of the troop withdrawal to footage of humans being overrun by aliens from Starship Troopers).
All the videos, as well as the investigative report into Honor, can be found here.