Sports brain! Sweat for the boss! Inclusive fitness! Kardashian role model! Exercise motivation! Mismatches! One-legged wrestlers! And the abject failure of squats! It's time for your Wednesday Fitness Watch.

  • Guess what sports do? They focus your brain! Is there anything sports can't do? I think we should make sports a wildly outsize part of our society and prize athletic achievement over other, more useful achievements! Oh, we do that already.
  • Do you want to impress your boss? Let him "Really See You Sweat" at the company gym. This will make him give you some sort of a big promotion, according to the WSJ. Before or after you fuck him? Doesn't say.
  • "Inclusive fitness" is not what they do at Curves; it's "one of the most influential concepts in the recent history of evolutionary biology." But if it was what they do at Curves, we would make fun of it.
  • Who is on the cover of Men's Fitness? It's "Kourtney" Kardashian's boyfriend, some guy. All is right with the world.
  • Zumba™ is absolutely transforming at-home fitness with its new Cutting-Edge Exhilarate™ DVD Collection! There, Zumba™ people, are you happy? I mentioned it. Please let my family go.
  • Moms want to know: How do I get my kids to exercise? By beating them, mom. By beating them. And by always being there. To beat them.
  • It's pretty messed up that they won't give Guillermo Rigondeaux an opponent who can hang with him, right? Psht.
  • Anthony Robles, a wrestler with one leg, just won the NCAA Wrestling Championships. What's your excuse, hmm?
  • Thirteen University of Iowa football players were hospitalized with a "muscle disorder" in January. Now, an investigation has revealed the cause: "A strenuous squat-lifting workout." Well. Sorry. Randall J. Strossen, Ph. D. thought they'd be able to handle it.

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