Live Blogging Top Chef: All-Stars, Week 15

It's Wednesday, Wednesday, gotta get down on Wednesday! As Rebecca Black would say, We so excited. That's because our commenter live blog of Top Chef Masters is about to begin, and you're invited! Fun fun fun fun …

OK, so I'm off by two days. Sue me. I do know this much: We have finally reached the season's penultimate episode—unlike the episode from two weeks ago, which I once thought was the penultimate one, but turned out to be the preantepenultimate one instead. How embarrassing! So for those of you who don't have a dictionary handy, what all this means is that we now have two episodes left to hold our group live blog of the show. And if you've never joined us before, it's never too late to start! The show airs at 10 pm Eastern on Bravo, and the live blog takes place in the comments section below this post.

Tonight, I have some interesting news to report: During our live blog of the antepenultimate episode (that is, the last one), we all set a world record! Specifically, we made more conch jokes in a single hour than had ever been made before in human history! You see, people said the word "conch" a lot during that episode, which caused us to make endless jokes of the "large conch"/"small conch"/"flaccid conch"/"warm conch"/"conch tease"/"conch envy" variety. It was a veritable conchapalooza! Memorable examples included:

  • Saxon 212: I would have loved to have seen how Tre's conch tasted.
  • homoviper: Yes Richard, I wipe down my table when I'm done with my conch too.
  • RappingTomato: Antonia just complimented her cousin's conch? I'm from Kentucky, and even I know that's wrong!

Now admittedly, I don't have formal confirmation from the Guinness people that we actually set a world record, but the total number of conch jokes we told was so high, I don't see how it's possible that it can't be a record. And what was that number, you may ask? Well, I know the answer, because I actually counted them all. But rather than reveal the total, I propose we hold a contest instead: Before midnight tonight, post your best guess as to the exact number of conch jokes we posted during our last live blog. Whoever gets the exact number, or comes the closest, will receive the honor of being named the winner of the "How Many Conch Jokes Did We Tell?" contest in next week's post. And who wouldn't want that? So start posting those guesses!

Of course, commenters made a lot of great non-conch-related jokes last week, too. As evidence of that, check out these highlights. And here are a few highlights to watch for on tonight's episode, based on what I saw in the preview clips:

  • The three remaining contestants will prepare a "last supper" for celebrity chefs Wolfgang Puck, Michelle Bernstein, and Masaharu Morimoto. Then those three chefs will be killed. Just kidding! Actually, they'll be forced to eat nothing but breakfast and lunch for the rest of their lives.
  • The quickfire will be a "single pot" challenge. I'm guessing that Padma won't be the judge, since she's probably not a fan of pot restrictions.
  • At one point, Antonia will say: "Mikey gave it to me twice today!" Be prepared to block out unwelcome mental images.

OK, we've reached the antepenultimate sentence of this post, which must mean that the live blog will be starting soon. Gotta get down to the comments! I'll see you there!

[Image via Shutterstock]