Michael Lohan Will Not Abide Lindsay Dropping the Family Name

  • Michael Lohan is "hurt' by the fact that Lindsay Lohan wants to drop her last name, Madonna-style: "I'm proud of the Lohan name. It's a name of integrity," he told the Daily News. "We all had very successful jobs on Wall Street. My father was an unbelievable provider. My sisters are pillars of the community. There's not a blemish in my family outside of me." So maybe Lindsay should change her name to Lindsay "Not-Michael-Lohan". NYDN]
  • Hey, look, Lindsay "Lindsay" Lohan has a "secret plan" to stay out of jail. Does it involve disguising herself as a Korean fishmonger and fleeing to Argentina? No: Basically, if the judge finds that there's enough evidence to charge Lindsay for stealing that necklace, she could send Lindsay back to jail until the trial's done because she'll have violated her parole. To prevent this, her lawyer is going to ask that the judge keeps her out of jail before and during the trial and instead tacks on this jail time to her sentence, if she's convicted. Booring. Though TMZ says that the judge probably won't even make a decision on whether to send her to jail for probation violation until after the trial. [Radar, TMZ]
  • Ryan Seacrest is the latest celebrity to back up "Friday" teen meme Rebecca Black. He helped her sign with legit music manager Debra Baum of DB Entertainment. We're still not convinced Black will be able to have a sustainable music career, though. Maybe she'll be able to pop out another single that sells well on iTunes, but the entertainment industry is not kind to memes in the end. [TMZ]
  • Britney Spears had a secret show in Las Vegas last night. "You're all invited. Be there or be square bitch!" she tweeted. We'll be square, thank you very much. [People]
  • Khloe Karadashian wants everyone to know that she's not "desperate to have a baby." She and her basketball player husband Lamar Odom want kids but "I'm so content and so happy with the way things are. People thing I would sell my hair to have a child." [People]
  • Kirstie Alley hit back at George Lopez on Twitter after he apologized for calling her a pig on his TV show: "I don't need or want ur apology...I want your kidney dude..on behalf of ur X and all the women uv insulted...give it back." This was a reference to the fact that Lopez's ex-wife donated a kidney to him in 2005. If this seems like a low blow, just remember: It's George Lopez. [Vulture]
  • Sandra Bullock has a weird-looking bump on her face. Or she's just grinding her teeth. It's probably an alien egg sac, though. [Daily Mail]

  • Here is a video of 18-year-old Teen Mom 2 star Jenelle Evans beating the crap out of another woman in North Carolina, for your Saturday morning viewing pleasure. Note to teen moms: If you're going to commit a brutal assault, kindly ask everyone around you to turn off their cell phones so there's no evidence. [TMZ]
  • Real Housewife Teresa Giudice's husband, Joe was arrested for illegally obtaining a license using his brother's identity in June of last year. Is this the most deadbeat of all the Real Housewife families? [Radar]