Interview, America's premiere source for transcripts of famous people talking amongst themselves, reaches surreal new heights in this month's cover story. With the help of music editor Dmitri Ehrlich, a nearly-sentient rice noodle named Paris Hilton interviewed rapper Lil' Wayne. Among the topics of discussion: The celebrities' respective incarcerations, Wayne for his latest weapons and narcotics charge, and Paris for driving drunk on a hamburger run.
EHRLICH: I was reading that during your last month in prison, they put you in solitary confinement for having an iPod or something like that. I've heard that being in solitary is the most torturous thing in the world. What was that like for you?
WAYNE: For me it was okay, because it just meant that I was alone with my thoughts. There were times when it was pretty tough to be by yourself, and to have no television, no sort of nothing. That was kind of tough. But I didn't have to be in there long. It was just a month. I was okay. I did fine.
EHRLICH: So literally a month without talking to any human beings except the guards. You're totally isolated?
WAYNE: Nah. There were guys next to me and things like that. You could speak through the walls and stuff. It wasn't totally silent like you would think it is.
EHRLICH: Can you still work out when you're in solitary? Do you get time in the yard?
WAYNE: Yeah, yeah. I got an hour in the yard every day, so I was able to do all those things.
HILTON: I had to do 24 nights in solitary. [Hilton was held in a separate cell as a safety precaution.]
WAYNE: Oh, so you know how it is.
HILTON: Yeah, I know how it is.
Then they rolled up their sleeves to compare prison tats.
HILTON: How happy are you to have your freedom now?
WAYNE: Words cannot explain.
HILTON: Yeah, I know how you feel. [laughs] It's the best feeling in the world when you come out.
And with that, the Pretty Pretty Princess of Rodeo Drive obliterated all of Lil' Wayne's cred. [Interview, images via Getty]