Adolescents Demand Special Doctors, Still DieS

Breakup pain! Men and doctors! Mommy medicine! Adolescent specialists! Dangerous dyes! Sleep weight loss! Death rate fluctuations! M.S. marijuana! And eating disorders of the olds! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—or, like, whatever!

  • Sad news of affairs of the heart: a new study shows that "people whose feelings are crushed in a romantic breakup also may feel actual physical pain." Especially if she slapped you.
  • Half of men don't have their own doctor. Men!!!!!! Get a doctor!!!! And tell me if that doctor says anything interesting, cause I'll be damned if I'm getting a doctor.
  • When the scientists said that they don't know whether a pregnant woman's medicine can hurt the baby, they probably weren't talking about booze. Julie.
  • You got a pediatrician, and now supposedly "adolescents" need their own special doctor, too? How about just take the doctors the men aren't going to? Or better yet, just give the adolescents some booze. They love booze. Julie.
  • Oh great, now the FDA wants to scrutinize our food dyes to find out if they'll kill us or something? How about just don't? I'd prefer to die in my sleep, thank you, with angry bile the color of Yellow #5 pouring out of my eyes.
  • Want to lose weight? You can start by getting a good night's sleep. And make sure the bedroom door is securely locked, because you sleep eat like a motherfucker.
  • Good news: "Death rates among adolescents have overtaken those of young children." Well, I mean... you wouldn't call it bad news. You monster.
  • Medical marijuana may lead to "diminished thinking skills" among multiple sclerosis patients. So?
  • Silly old people, eating disorders are for kids!
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