Jennifer Aniston Really Just Wants to Direct

Yup, after all those romantic comedies and derailed thrillers (well, just one of those), Ms. TV America has decided to shuffle on back behind the camera. Also today: a beloved Agatha Christie character gets a makeover, Johnny Depp meets his younger self, and no more vampires!

  • The lonely spinster ghost of the Hollywood Hills, the curtain billowing in a window come to life that is Jennifer Aniston, will take a role behind the camera to direct one of the five shorts compromising Project Five, a breast cancer-themed movie special set to air on Lifetime: Television for Secret Drinkers. She'll be joined by Alicia Keys, Demi Moore, and the wonderful Patty Jenkins. (I guess the fifth is not named yet?) So that's good for her! Good to have a project. And for such a good cause! Good to keep busy, keep distracted, keep the gnawing tingle of spiky regret from consuming her, as it threatens to do every day. Every damn day, while she wanders the house, stares out at the smog-choked city and, with all the impossible weight in her small slim body, wishes. [THR]
  • Speaking of old spinsters, Agatha Christie's famed lady detective Miss Marple is headed to the big screen and she will be played by Helen Mirren Kurt from Glee Jennifer Garner. Huh? Peculiar. Garner is producing, so I guess that helped her get the part. So yeah, Miss Marple will be significantly younger and significantly dimplier. Meanwhile, another Agatha Christie adaptation has found its Hercule Poirot in Ashton Kutcher. [Deadline]
  • Jennifer Garner's Arthur costar Russell Brand may be joining the cast of Rock of Ages, the movie adaptation of the hit Broadway jukeboxer. Oh good, because with Tom Cruise and Julianne Hough aboard, this movie just wasn't annoying enough. Brand ought to bring it up to quota. [EW]
  • Teresa Palmer, a young Australian actress who just appeared in It Was Number Two, has been cast alongside About a Boy star-turned-boombalottie Nicholas Hoult in Warm Bodies, about a zombie who falls in love with one of his victims. Oh, OK. All right. Everyone let's just take a second here to calm down. The zombies. Let's talk about the zombies. Many of you have said it before. I never thought I'd say it because I love/am mortally terrified of a good zombie. But now I am going to say it. Enough the zombies. Brad, Marc? Carry on. You two are free to proceed. But everyone else should just stop right here and think of something new, OK? We're done. How about mummies. Mummies are basically zombies, though, huh? Oh. I've got it. Banshees. I want three screenplays about banshees on my desk (my couch) by Monday. [THR]
  • Well hellooo Mr. Collins. A young actor named Thomas McDonnell (soon to appear in Disney's Prom, squee) has been cast as the young Johnny Depp in Tim Burton's upcoming Dark Shadows feature. The likeness is definitely there, though he's got a bit of Phoenix blood, both River and Joaquin, in him too. A distant cousin perhaps? Either way, he's also entered the running for Gale in my own private casting of The Hunger Games. Or in my own private movie The Hunger Gays. (Here all week folks, try the veal.) [Deadline]
  • Oh yay! FX has picked up their very good show Justified for a third season. Do you guys watch this show? You really should be watching this show. Timothy Olyphant can tough guy banter with the best of 'em and is a very talented jeans-wearer. Plus this season has a wonderful turn by Margot Martindale as a nasty crime boss that shouldn't be missed. Honestly, this show is excellent. Why aren't you watching it? Why are you making Margot Martindale cry? What are you such a jerk all the time? [The Wrap]
  • [Photo via Getty]