Remember to include the Unilever corporation on your Christmas card list this year, ladies: without their groundbreaking research, you wouldn't know enough to be publicly concerned about the hideousness of your armpit region.
I mean, you've probably been walking around for years with repulsive, off-putting underarms, constantly serving as a living mockery of your put-together appearance. Those days are over. The WSJ says that Unilever's research found that "93% of women consider their armpits unattractive." Haha! It's so true, ladies. And don't even get us started on the soles of your feet.
Thankfully, the Unilever corporation has designed a new product that you can purchase to address this heretofore unimportant problem. "Dove Ultimate Go Sleeveless, which hits U.S. stores this week, claims its formula of specialized moisturizers will give women better-looking underarms in five days." Can you really afford not to purchase it? Every day without an application of Dove Ultimate Go Sleeveless is a day that you fall farther behind in the eternal underarm beauty race.
Buy it now, women. You have no choice.