Obese Man Found Fused to Chair Dies

An obese man died after being found "fused to his chair" in his Bellaire, Ohio home, where he had sat in a recliner for two years. Police—called by his girlfriend—had remove him through a hole in the wall.

"Community reaction is intense," local CBS affiliate WTRF tells us. ("Vomit" counts as "intense reaction," as does "an unbelievable, existential sadness.") One officer called it "the worst thing he ever responded to," and another "threw away his soiled uniform after freeing the man."

Questions, obviously, remain: Was he actually fused to his chair? (Yes, according to WRTF, "with bedsores, maggots and excrement everywhere"; no, according to ABC affiliates which report that "the man's skin was stuck to the chair with urine and feces.") And: His girlfriend? (Yep: She "brought him food and soda pop.") And: Why didn't anyone do anything? (There is no law stopping adults from eating as much as they want or sitting in whichever chairs they want.) And: What was wrong? (No one seems to know, yet.) And also: Can I write a story about this guy for my MFA portfolio? (Yes, but please don't make him a metaphor for America, or capitalism, or whatever.)

(The house, by the way, is now being cleaned by seven people.)