[There was a video here]
Girls Gone Wild founder and Gawker Douche of the Decade Joe Francis has been representing himself in a Panama City courthouse this week, in a civil case brought against him by four young women who fell prey to his "you expose yourself, I give you this magical tube top" routine. If you think this hilarious arrangement has disaster written all over it, you're right!
Frances has already issued a press release in which he gives his own legal performance an A+, pointing specifically to the Ironside moment in which he tricked one plaintiff, "a self-professed geometry scholar," to admit to the courtroom that "she didn't know what a right triangle was." Shockingly, this revelation was not instantly met with a declaration of Francis's innocence and a ride outside on the shoulders of Panama City townsfolk.
Francis seemed unfamiliar with courtroom procedures, and appeared frustrated when told several times to sit down and be quiet. Most of his objections were overruled, and dozens of his comments had to be stricken from the record by the judge. Before the lunch break, he was told to calm himself again.
"You have truly been behaving like a four-year-old. It's going to stop," Judge Richard Smoak said. Smoak added that he'd never seen someone act like Francis in his 40 years of courtroom experience. "This is the final warning," Smoak said. "Conduct yourself like you would at your Grandmother's house."
Judge Smoak also asked Francis if he had consumed any medications before coming to court. Francis attributed his behavior to ADHD and excess amounts of coffee. "I will sit on my hands for the rest of this trial because I do not want to be incarcerated," Francis told the judge.
Did I mention the jury is composed of eight women? It's like an amuse bouche of what awaits him in hell.