What kind of a guy goes on a safari in Zimbabwe to shoot "problem elephants," then makes a graphic video about it, set to a dramatic Animal Planet-style soundtrack? Bob Parsons: former Marine, self-made millionaire, GoDaddy CEO.
The video, which also features "hungry villagers" butchering the elephant Parsons kills while wearing neon orange GoDaddy baseball caps [Warning: It's graphic footage, so you may not want to watch it if you're squeamish] is a must-see for anyone who thinks all modern CEOs spend their free time jawing on about how to save the world at Davos. It is a monument to the ability of mounds of cash to fill the part of a person's brain where self-reflection once was, and has predictably sparked mass internet outrage.
(Parson's response: "I kind of figured that this might happen. So be it, I'm not ashamed of what I did.")
But Bob Parsons' entire life is equally ridiculous. Here are some facts that might make this safari video make sense:
- Parsons stars in a self-help video blog, released bi-monthly on his website. His sidekick in the elaborately-produced videos is a busty blonde named "Leann" who inexplicably breaks into fake gangsta slang at random times. Episode #35 of Parson's blog is called "How to grow STEEL BALLS (even if you're a woman)."
- Parsons cannot get enough attention. He loves publicity so much that GoDaddy called off an IPO in 2006 because of a "quiet period" which meant Parsons would have had to cancel his Internet radio show and stay off TV and radio. "For us, the quiet period that came along with the I.P.O. filing has been suffocating," he wrote on his blog.
- He once wrote about how he was a fan of abusing Guantanamo Bay detainees because it was "incredibly mild" compared to what the terrorists were up to. Then he backed down after public outcry.
- Parsons' YouTube account features a 7-minute trailer to his 2009 wedding video. His wedding video has a trailer. And it looks to have been shot for IMAX.
- Parsons lives according to 16 principles, including such revolutionary mantras as "take things a day at a time" and "solve your own problems."
- Parsons' Twitter handle is Drbobparsons. But his bio states "Not a real doc." In fact, Parsons received an honorary doctorate of "Humane Letters" from the University of Maryland.
- He has a giant diamond stud in one ear.
We predict Bob Parsons will reluctantly apologize for his elephant-killing video, all the while mumbling under his breath about the granola softies trying to take him down.
[Image via Getty]