College grade point averages are inversely affected by the amount of alcohol a student drinks. That much you suspected. But your hunch has now been confirmed by the American College Personnel Association, who interviewed 14,000 frosh at 167 schools on their partying and homework habits.
Yes, it seems an obvious conclusion — but the study also took into account other extracurricular distractions, like Facebook, or the one you're reading right now. (It's unclear on whether or not rooftop sexing was included on their questionnaire.) Turns out those factors have no effect on academic performance whatsoever.
So go right ahead — poke that cute chick in Philosophy 101 (pictured) all you want. Just don't invite her to join your team in that evening's planned Jägerbomb-A-Lympics. You'll both just wind up suffering in the short and long runs. [USA Today]