Sublime television clown Donald Trump's pretend presidential candidacy is chugging along splendidly as it rains gold, laughs, and a deeper appreciation for the surreal across this great nation. It's fun to write about, it's chilling to read about, and it's lucrative for Donald Trump. His Celebrity Apprentice ratings are up, he's getting more headlines than any other "real" GOP presidential contenders, and now he's landed another television gig. This why he's running a pretend presidential campaign, of course, and the con should keep bearing fruit until he suddenly "drops out" of the race to spend more time with his latest family, during sweeps week.

Fox News has made Donald Trump a contributor, folks. It's happened. Supposedly Fox News' policy was to cut its contributors who are considering presidential runs, but that was at least a week or two ago and conditions on the ground have changed. Thank goodness. Because he won't be on any terrible Fox News show, either. His weekly segment will be on Fox & Friends, the network's illiterate dementia variety hour. "Monday Mornings with Trump," as it will be titled, consolidates three of Americans' least favorite things into four words. Have you set your TiVo yet?

[Image via AP]