Is There Anything That Milk Cannot Do?

Meteorite robbers! Food dyes! Cow people milk! Formaldehyde life! Monarch butterflies! Lion variations! Breast milk oncology! And bitter autism failure! It's your Monday Science Watch, where we watch science—creamily!

  • Everybody's plundering meteor craters and stealing the meteorite fragments and selling them off on the black market. The real losers: scientists. And the meteorite fragment buyers who catch space disease.
  • When you give people food without artificial dyes in it, they have a hard time picking up on the flavor the food is supposed to be. It's lemon, okay? Jesus.
  • Oh great, genetically modified cows are making milk that's "akin to human milk." What next? Humans drinking cow's milk?
  • Formaldehyde—a poisonous chemical—allegedly helped to give rise to life on earth. What next? Are they going to tell us we can combine deadly sodium and lethal chlorine together and use the resulting compound as a common food flavoring?
  • Are you ready for the Square Kilometre Array, which will have 10,000 times the speed of the best current telescopes? It's not like your not being ready for it is going to stop it. The Square Kilometre Array is coming so you might as well get used to the idea.
  • If those monarch butterflies don't stop covering trees top to bottom with their beautiful wings, I swear... some people like to see tree bark, jerks!
  • There's actually a remarkable amount of genetic variation among lions in different parts of Africa. Go ahead, say it. I know you're thinking something racist.
  • In "the future," according to this newspaper story, breast milk "may do more than sustain an infant." What more could it do, you ask? I'm glad you asked. According to the aforementioned newspaper story, it could "help assess breast cancer risk." If your breast milk tastes like cancer, you might have breast cancer. Just kidding. Actually breast milk just graduated from Johns Hopkins and is now a certified oncologist. Congrats, breast milk!
  • New research shows that just about everything we do to treat autism doesn't work too well. Shit.

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