A major construction project has begun around the West Wing of the White House, shrouding a "expanding and sometimes earsplitting zone of excavation" with plywood fences. This "overdue upgrade of underground utilities," according to the AP, will take years to complete.
So if you haven't guessed by now, what Obama's really doing is building a secret tunnel leading to a new underground lair where he'll sacrifice small white children to the Devil and smoke cigarettes. The government would deny this, meaning it's true.
A mysterious tunnel is being built, too.
Crews have poured huge concrete pylons, erected retaining walls and brought in truckloads of steel I-beams. The construction site has expanded from in front of the West Wing around to the side and across a parking lot to the next-door Eisenhower Executive Office Building.
Inevitably, the work has fueled speculation that what's really being built is some secret, new underground lair.
Fresh inquiries by The Associated Press to the General Services Administration, which is supervising the work, have elicited denials.
A spokesperson said "it's not a new shelter - just a means of maintaining access to the utilities." As if construction workers need "access" to the specific things that they're working on. Implausible, at best.
What do you think Obama's hiding at the end of his newest secret tunnel?
[Image via AP]