Bridget Moynahan's Mega-Mansion Meltdown and Other Lady IssuesS

Move over Jen Aniston, we have a new queen of sad jiltedness. And sadness, thy name is Bridget Moynihan. Also today: Two TV powerhouses are welcoming new children into their lives, LeBron's mom is in trouble, and Kanye likes the ladies.

  • Is jilted woman Bridget Moynahan still miserable about former squeeze Tom Brady and his lady Gisele "Brazilian Devil" Bundchen? Gossip columns sure hope so! The latest scuttlebutt is that after the release of photos of Tom & Gis's new $20 million mega mansion, Moynahan was spotted eating breakfast at a TriBeCa restaurant, practically sobbing into her oatmeal. She looked "absolutely forlorn" (absolutely forlorn, not partially forlorn) and had "dark circles" under her miserable eyes. Yup. Must be because of the 22,000 sq.ft. mega mansion, not just that people look tired in the morning sometimes. It's mega mansion-related bitterness and jealousy for sure. Either that or she finally got around to actually watching an episode of Blue Bloods. Ha-bango! [P6]
  • Speaking of women and how they're all sad, Ashley Judd wrote some girly memoir about terrible family pain and tragedy or whatever, and was at a book signing for it and her face looked totally weeeeird! Like you could see makeup under her eyes! Isn't that sad and pathetic forever? Doesn't she know that's the most important thing about her new book, the way she looks at book signings? Gawd. Where's her husband to tell her she looks like crap? Ashley and Dario: Are They On the Rocks?? [E!]
  • Bridget Moynahan's Mega-Mansion Meltdown and Other Lady IssuesSTina Fey can have it all! And then some! After wondering aloud whether she should have a second child in a New Yorker-published excerpt from her new memoir, the humorist has confirmed that she's knocked up. Isn't that crazy? Right now there's a tiny thing inside Tina Fey's stomach that doesn't know that it's going to be so rich and have such a cool mom when it's born. Some fetuses have all the luck. [Us]
  • Speaking of babies, professional eye-waterer Mariska Hargitay has announced that she has adopted a child in Texas. The baby joins five-year-old brother August in this fabulously wealthy family. It's just a shame that all the money was earned from sex crimes. Someday this kid will grow up and wander the mansion, thinking of all the diddlings and fiddlings and nibblings that built those gilded walls and they will wonder if it was worth it. [P6]
  • Uh oh, don't tell your mom, but Karina Smirnoff, from her favorite show Dancing With the Desperate, will appear nude as the day she fell out of Tina Fey's stomach in the May issue of AARP's Playboy magazine. Well, you know what, your mom probably won't be that upset. Just tell her after she's had a couple of glasses of wine some night and she'll probably shake her head and say "Oh really? Oh dear. Well, at least it's not Julianne. But I gotta ask, when's Tom Bergeron going to do his nude photoshoot? How long do I have to wait? Right?" and then you'll collapse and later the doctor will say, standing over your body, "She/he's with god now." [Us]
  • You know who likes models? Tom Brady. Well yeah, Tom Brady does like models, sorry Bridget but he does, but that's not who I'm talking about. Kanye West likes models. Models like Tyson Beckford or Francisco Lachowski? Nooo. Lady models. Female models. Kanye West likes female, human models. Apparently he was recently desperately trying to get his handlers to find him model Candice Swanepoel's phone number. Don't know if he got it, though. Probably did. "Ms. Swanepoel, there's a Mr. Kanye on the phone from you?" "The Kanye? He's calling all the way from space?" In conclusion, Swanepoel: What a beautiful name for such a beautiful woman. [P6]
  • Oh dear. It seems that LeBron James's mom has been arrested in Miami for assaulting a parking valet at the tony Fontainebleau Hotel. She was leaving a nightclub with friends and then she got into it with a parking attendant. Was the parking attendant from Cleveland? Did they remind her of Cleveland? Was Cleveland involved in any way? I understand there's some tension with Cleveland. That's what I understand about basketball these days. Didn't Cleveland steal Carmelo Anthony's mojo or something? How's Kevin McHale doing this season? They still use peach baskets, right? Basketball! Get into it. [TMZ]
  • Here is a gossip item that is literally about Denise Richards doing nothing. Specifically, Denise Richards won't talk to Ted Casablanca and his gossip harpies about the Charlie Sheen fiasco. A whole gossip item about... nothing! Silence. Void. Wind. Darkness. An empty hole where a story could have been, had it not been scooped out by some devil's talon, sent away into the nothing place. There used to be a Denise Richards headline here, and now the sidewalk just ends in cracks and emptiness. Woe, woe. [E!]
  • Here's a cheery note to end on. A girl set to debut on MTV's quickly-turning-exploitative 16 and Pregnant says that her baby's father not only attacked her, but after he attacked her threatened to have her raped. Terrific. Television cameras and national exposure will only help this problem, right? That's what teen therapists are always saying. "Hm... I see your son/daughter has been having problems with a girl/boyfriend, plus there's this pregnancy, and a general instability that seems to inform their life... I'd say the best thing for them at this moment, Mr. and Mrs. Goodparent, is to put them on a reality show. I'll get you some pamphlets and you can talk it over with your child." It just makes good sense. [TMZ]

[Photos via Getty]