New Jersey Shore Spin-Offs to Feed Our Lust for Quality Television

Just when you think there isn't enough readily available high culture in this country — the opera is too expensive, plus Lepage's staging of Das Rheingold actually makes us miss fusty old Otto Schenk — comes news that we are saved. Specifically, we're getting some Jersey Shore spin-offs.

Yes! MTV has announced that they will be teaming up with the herpetic bologna sacks known as Nicole "Snooki Snickahz" Polizzi, Jenni "JWOWW, You Have a Clothing Problem" Farley, and Paul "DJ Pauly D Is Available for Your Bris or Funeral" Del Vecchio to make two new series about their lives. Talk about WOWW!

OK, let's actually talk about WOWW. JWOWW and Snooks will star together on a show about their lives off-camera, while Pauly Donuts's show will follow him as he criss-crosses this bleeding and vanishing nation performing magical acts of DJism. (Jism. Ha.) Each series will be twelve episodes long, of course with the potential for more, unless one or all of them dies. Which, when dealing with these particular lost souls, isn't that far beyond the realm of imagination. Treat your kidneys well, kids! [TVBTN]