Lindsay Lohan Has a Peeping Tom: Her Father

Michael Lohan peeps through Lindsay's windows and tries to bust into her house. Natalie Portman gives up veganism for her fetus. Joan Rivers uses vodka as deodorant. Nicki Minaj will share a stage with Britney. Monday gossip spent the weekend stalking its loved ones.

  • Michael Lohan spent a pleasant, leisurely weekend stalking daughter Lindsay and trying to break into her house. After failing to bust through the front door of her apartment on Sunday afternoon, he went around back and peeped through the windows to see if Li-Not-Lo was there (she was) then banged on the windows and failed to get in that way, too. Someone (paparazzo?) alerted TMZ to the security breach, which liveblogged the domestic near-disturbance for about ten minutes. I wonder if being surrounded by photographers at all times reduces one's risk of falling victim to violent attack, on account of the built-in eyewitnesses? [TMZ, images via Getty]
  • Natalie Portman has given up veganism, and is treating that which grew from an egg in her womb to that which cooks into a delicious scramble from the eggs of a chicken: "I actually went back to being vegetarian when I became pregnant, just because I felt like I wanted that stuff. I was listening to my body to have eggs and dairy and that sort of stuff." Hopefully that is code for "cheesy eggs. I am wolfing down cheesy eggs nonstop." [Us]
  • Prince William and Kate Middleton made their final appearance before their wedding, and it rained. [Us]
  • Michelle Obama invited Jessica Simpson to sing for the troops and their families on Wednesday, and Jessica said yes. Hooray, this must mean she has finally forgiven Barack Obama for calling her fat! Unless Michelle's invitation is but an elaborate ploy to get Jessica into a "until the fat lady sings" situation. Oohh, those Obamas! So devious! [Us]
  • At his latest appearance for his I Have Replaced Crack with Attention as My Addiction of Choice tour, Charlie Sheen announced that his favorite curse word is "either fuck or Denise," referring to the ex-wife and mother of his children whose dog he starved to death. Worst ex ever. [NYDN]
  • Nicki Minaj signed on to tour with Britney Spears as soon as she is done touring with Lil' Wayne, thereby providing the world's first ever excuse to mention Britney and Weezy in the same breath. [TMZ]
  • Joan Rivers' secret to staying fresh: "I always spray my costumes with vodka and water. It's an old Broadway trick—two-thirds water and one-third vodka, spray your armpits and you'll never smell again." [P6]
  • Vanessa Hudgens would be a hippie, but drug people kind of freak her out: "I love going to the drum circle down there [Venice Beach]. Every now and then someone will let me join in and bang on their drums, and I just love people who are completely free. Even if they're drug addicts, who sometimes freak me out." At least we finally have an explanation for last week's fortuneteller brothel outfit, which was, in retrospect, exactly what a scandal-plagued Disney starlet would wear to a Venice Beach drum circle. [LATimes]
  • Bleakly depressing gossip item of the day: Brittany Murphy's estranged father got his name added to her death certificate, because the cemetery where she was buried wouldn't let him visit her grave because he couldn't prove he was family. [TMZ]
  • At Reese Witherspoon's "family honeymoon," "They didn't ask for any VIP treatment, walked off the plane like regular tourists, waited in the immigration line and waited to get their bags from the baggage carousel." What saints! Guess she really is the down-home "quirks and wrinkles" humble-ina she keeps telling us she is! [NYDN]