Kristen Stewart's 21st Birthday Party Was Pretty Lame

Kristen Stewart eats birthday cake in the vicinity of Edward and Jacob. Charlie Sheen is a serial pet killer. Tori Spelling is pregnant again. Ashley Tisdale shows her boobs, and so does Christina Hendricks. Tuesday gossip eats cake.

  • Sulking starlet Kristen Stewart turned 21 on the Vancouver set of Twilight, which must have been anticlimactic, since you can drink before your 21st birthday in Canada. Her coworkers took her out to a bar that night anyway, where boyfriend Rob Pattinson and not-boyfriend Taylor Lautner sang the birthday song and gave her a chocolate cake. "She was so embarrassed but in a cute way!" Blandest drinking age birthday party ever. (She got a motorcycle as a gift, but come on, that's only badass if you're a middle-aged mother of four in the midst of a mid-life crisis.) We'll have to wait for Miley and Demi for the real debauchery. [Us, non-birthday image via Getty]
  • The dog Charlie Sheen starved to death is not the first pet he's killed: A Chinese water dragon and bearded dragon died on his watch, too. Meanwhile, the admitted domestic abuser is now leading crowds at his stage show in chants of "fuck that bitch," directed at ex-wife Denise Richards, who earned "bitch" status by refusing to give their remaining dog back, lest it die, too. And we haven't even discussed the children Denise and Charlie have together, yet. Ugh. [Popeater]
  • Kristen Stewart's 21st Birthday Party Was Pretty LameNoted gateway lesbian Samantha Ronson tweeted a picture of herself with two black eyes and a split lip. Did LiLo beat her up?!??!?!! No, her bicycle did. "Wear your helmet kids," the lithe-bodied lover of West Hollywood said. [People, @SamanthaRonson, WhoSay]
  • Tori Spelling and husband Dean McDermott are expecting their third child. Mazel tov! [@torianddean]
  • Kim Kardashian posed for a series of international Cosmopolitan covers, and is enraged that one was used on the cover of Turkey Cosmo (sounds like a carnivorous cocktail) and will coincide with Armenia's Genocide Remembrance Day, when the world remembers how the Turks killed Kim's forefathers. Kim is incensed! So incensed that she already has her next Cosmopolitan photo shoot scheduled. She plans to wear Galliano to celebrate Holocaust Remembrance Day. [KimKardashian, TMZ]
  • Someone asked Kate Middleton if she's nervous for her wedding, and she said "Yes, of course I am." I'm so sick of talking about this wedding, I can't even bring myself to make jokes about it. I imagine this is the way Kate and Wills feel, too. [People]
  • Kristen Stewart's 21st Birthday Party Was Pretty LameAshley Tisdale, while naked: "I'm actually a woman." Confirmed. [Us]
  • Taylor Swift "tormented" her parents "absolutely non-stop" to move to Nashville to jumpstart her career as a tormentor of eardrums. [Telegraph]
  • Christina Hendricks and Neil Patrick Harris are in the New York Philharmonic's production of Company, and it requires them to cavort in their panties in a bed with purple silk sheets. Stephen Colbert is in the play, too, but who wants to see that? [DListed]
  • Lauren Conrad: "I'm not a sexy person." Confirmed. [Allure, Us]
  • Speaking of confirmed women and bare breasts, Kate Bosworth went topless at a beach. Are you a moral enough person to resist the siren call of naked paparazzi pictures? [The Superficial]