How to Have Sex With a DinosaurS

The key question with dinosaurs, as with so many things, is "How can I have sex with them?" With the help of Slate's Explainer column, we've constructed a step-by-step guide.

  • Step 1: Find a dinosaur. The American Museum of Natural History is having an exhibition of the world's largest dinosaurs, but those are all skeletons and may be difficult to have sex with. Is Jurassic Park real? Maybe there's a dinosaur there.
  • Step 2: Enact your courtship ritual. Make a mixtape, I guess?
  • Step 3: Align your cloacae. Scientists believe that dinosaurs—like most reptiles and birds—had just, uh, "one hole," so to speak. You know, for everything, including poop. So, dinosaurs would have "aligned their cloacae such that the male's penis could emerge to penetrate the female cloaca." (This is how Hayden Panettiere and her boyfriend do it, by the way.)

And there you have it! You're having sex "dinosaur-style"—literally! (Scientists aren't sure what positions dinosaurs had sex in, so for now, stick with missionary.) If it's a T-Rex, you might be tickled to know that its penis could potentially be "anywhere between 10 inches and 12 feet." Note also that having sex with dinosaurs may be illegal, depending on local law.

[Slate; image via Shutterstock]