Madonna Leaves Mystical Jewish Sect for Scary Catholic Sect

Ancient pop singer and spiritualist Madonna has long been associated with Kabbalah, a mystical, Jewishy sect. But she recently had a falling out with Kabbalah's leaders after the whole Malawi school debacle, so she's been on the hunt for something new. And it looks like she's found it: Opus Dei!

Yes, Opus Dei, as in the strict Catholic cult-like organization that employs albino assassins in that non-fiction art history and theology book The Da Vinci Code. Apparently last week Madge spent some time at a real-life Opus Dei center in London, meeting with various priests and whatnot. While Opus Dei (Work of God) ostensibly exists for positive reasons — to enrich Catholics' everyday lives by strengthening their "relationships" with their god — it's still a strange choice for the reasonably liberal and one time free-wheeling (turned exercise- and diet-mad) celebrity, as the deeply conservative organization has been criticized in the past for allegedly encouraging corporal mortification (self-flagellation) and being strictly controlling of its members lives.

My guess is that Madonna found out that some professor is nosing around in old churches, trying to figure out mysteries about Jesus and whatnot, and she wants to stop it. I mean, what if this professor finds out that she actually is Jesus's mother? All heaven would break loose. He must be stopped, and Opus Dei are the only ones who can help. [Mirror, photo via Getty]