Today marks the launch of the new Adweek, the muddled vision of new editor Michael Wolff. We shall finally get the answer to the question, "What happens when you put an attention-addict media columnist in charge of an advertising trade magazine, for some weird reason?"

What happens is that Michael Wolff hires Hephzibah Anderson, author of Chastened: The Unexpected Story of My Year Without Sex to write a column for which she is clearly unqualified on "Sex and the Media," and Hephzibah kicks it right off by simply thinking up the most absurd premise that she could: that Arianna Huffington is a "sex symbol" who owes her success to her skills as a "modern-day courtesan."

Legendarily coiffed, she's as fond of girlish ruffles and racy black lace as she is of pantsuits-and is not above flaunting her yoga-toned limbs. All this at 60. But more interesting is the vintage of her wiles, which call to mind a courtesan's techniques. Her allure resides in her effusiveness and intense focus. It's present in her insatiable appetite for self-promotion-a hunger that includes lending her voice (and name) to a hot-to-trot cartoon bear on The Cleveland Show. Above all, it flows from her ability to make anyone feel fascinating.

Oh, Michael Wolff. Aren't you and your chaste columnist simply using these flashy pronouncements to distract us all from the real story here: the gloriously seductive charms of Michael Wollf? Legendarily coiffed, he's as fond of blue tieless shirts underneath a blazer as he is of striped tieless shirts underneath a blazer—and is not above flaunting his outrage-toned snarl. All this at 57. But more interesting is the vintage of his mustache, which calls to mind a sign advertising "Free Mustache Rides" for those bold enough to take the chance. His allure resides in his goat-fucking. It's present in his insatiable appetite for scandalous affairs—a hunger that includes lending his voice (and name) to any idiotic fucking statement about anything that might draw a single pair of eyeballs in his direction. Above all, it flows from his ability to make anyone feel virtuous in comparison.

Don't be coy, Michael.

[Photo: New Media Days/ Flickr]