Royal Wedding 'Too Boring' for AmericaS

Just when America's stricken media industry thought it finally caught a windfall in royal wedding hoopla—Collector's edition magazines! Bridezilla-bait TV specials! Ads for Rogaine!Page Six reports this:

NBC Universal has cut a number of pretaped segments from its "aggressive and comprehensive coverage" of the royal wedding because insiders fear Prince William and Kate Middleton are "too boring," according to sources.

"The US public's interest was not what they thought," sniped an NBC insider. "Kate and Prince William are both really boring."

Hasn't the media suffered enough already? How dare these inbred jerks wed without a single mental breakdown or sexting scandal between them! England, we will give back Piers Morgan, Skins, and Delaware if you can produce even one juicy tidbit from this mindnumblingly bland regal affair. (Sneak laxatives into the royal fruitcake, maybe?) You're the nation that produced Shakespeare and Amy Winehouse. We expect more engaging entertainment from you. [P6, photo via Getty Images]