Twitter Users Masturbate More

The statistical wizards at OKCupid have once again analyzed the sexual mores of their users, and reached two vital conclusions: Twitter users masturbate more, and vegetarians are more likely to enjoy giving head.

Twitter Users Masturbate More

Technically, the first result is that OKCupid users who use Twitter were more likely to report masturbating than OKCupid users who don't use Twitter.

But forget nuance—this is a good opportunity to turn "twitter" into a euphemism for masturbation! "I don't want to do my homework, I think I'll procrastinate and twitter instead," "He channels his narcissism into non-stop twittering," "She snuck away from the party to twitter in the bathroom," "Ashton Kutcher twitters all day long." This works because Twitter and masturbation are both things you do when you're bored.

Twitter Users Masturbate More

As for the vegetarian factoid, choose your own terrible punchline: a) Semen is a great source of protein!; b) You never lose your taste for flesh; c) Something about "tossing salads." [OKCupidBlog, top image via Shutterstock]

Previous OKCupid Studies:

iPhone Users Have More Sex
Duckface Actually Works
What Is the Stuff That White People Like, Really?
The Stereotypes About Gays and Straights Are True