If it weren't for "new research," we would have no clue what we're supposed to be dying of on any given day. But, thankfully, new research from the University of Western Australia proves that working a desk job for over a decade makes you 94 percent more likely to develop a "tumour in the area of the lower bowel called the distal colon." That doesn't sound nice.

The results of the study were published in the latest issue of the American Journal of Epidemiology and, according to the researchers, there's nothing that can save you so you might as well quit that shitty job that you hate so much anyway. From The Telegraph:

‘Even a high level of vigorous recreational physical activity did not modify the effect of sedentary work.' And they warned: ‘The findings have occupational health implications, given that advances in technology have led to increasing amounts of sedentary behaviour at work.' Sitting down on the job is thought to lead to increased blood sugar levels and damage insulin production, both of which have been linked with the development of bowel cancer.

Fear not cubicle-bound proles, there's a silver lining in all of this — The Telegraph's top 3 related articles from the last 8 months include:

  • Bowel cancer lottery — some hospitals have 10 times better death rates than others
  • 'Breakthrough' bowel cancer test to be rolled out
  • Aspirin 'beats bowel cancer'

It's only a matter of months before a new study comes out that says working in an office with wall-to-wall industrial carpet prevents you from getting bowel cancer, so just hang tight.

[Telegraph; image via Shutterstock]