Between Kim Zolciak, Countess Crackerjacks, and Danielle Staub, it's pretty hard to "drop" the worst single ever spawned from Bravo's metastasizing Real Housewives franchise. Leave it to Simon van Kempen, husband of Real Housewives of New York's Alex McCord, to take the cake with an astronomically bad creation.
"I Am Real" is an abysmally bad song. And not even in that way that Rebecca Black's "Friday" is so bad that it's funny. It's kind of like Simon's infamous red leather pants: uniquely offensive but simultaneously tacky in an obvious way. It's just a bad dance beat with him rhyming about life as a reality star. Yes, he is the first Housewife (adjacent) to sing about what it's like to actually be on the show. And it's so hard to be (married to) a (almost) celebrity. Life is just so grueling and full of drama and duplicity! Oh, poor Simon!
Maybe that's why it's so bad. Or maybe it's the talk-singing that isn't as rappy as the Countess but not as obviously auto-tuned as Kimmy Z? I don't know and I can't think of it right now because I need to clean the blood off my headphones. Just a warning to all the Real Housewives out there: if we have to hear Lea Black's folk song or Jacqueline Laurita's polka we'll be arriving at the Real Housewives Institute with pitchforks and torches.