Pediatric socialists! E-cigarette regulation! Prostate testosterone! Antidepressant painkillers! Obese teens! Prescription take-backs! Young strokes! Natural allergies! And amazing acupuncture in Afghanistan! It's your Monday Health Watch, where we watch your health—with no regulation whatsoever!
- Pediatricians are trying to hurt the American economy by forcing job-creating toxin manufacturers to subject their various toxins to the approval of faceless government bureaucrats. Kill them! (Pediatricians.)
- Sure, real "cool": the FDA is going to regulate futuristic "e-cigarettes" the same way it regulates regular cigarettes. When will the government bureaucrats get their filthy hands out of our poison?
- Should men with prostate cancer be given testosterone? If you want them to be hardcore badass ragers, then yes. Lots of it.
- News flash, pill-popping loonies: if you're taking antidepressants, don't take painkillers at the same time, because you'll fuck everything up. Can you remember that in your pharmaceutically-induced fog? Or do you need a government bureaucrat paid with my tax dollars to remind you? It's people like you that make all the problems.
- Don't think that obese teens aren't engaging in risky behavior. They are engaging in risky behavior! Just as much as other teens. And they're even more likely to chew tobacco, which is the real tragedy, because it can lead to tooth rot down the road.
- Cops are now hosting "prescription drug take-back" events like they used to do with buying people's old guns, except in this case they're "buying" your old prescription drugs for no money, and you have to haul your whole gun collection back on home cause they're only taking prescription drugs, at this event.
- Some people who have strokes at the age of 26 are still better writers than you.
- Do "natural" allergy relief medicines work? Remember that the word "natural" means "doesn't work." I don't know if they work, sorry. That's not my field.
- American soldiers who are injured in Afghanistan are receiving acupuncture to treat their brain injuries, and they say it's really working! Sure, until some government bureaucrat comes along and shuts the whole thing down. *Dark glower.* *Gets acupuncture.* *Feels better.*