Convicted murder and stunningly handsome mobster "Vinny Gorgeous" (or, Vincent Basciano) has had a rough time in jail. His cell is wet, and the guards keep fucking with his suits and ties. He also likes to gossip. And, thanks to secretly-recorded tapes between Mr. Gorgeous and a spineless rat, James "Big Louie" Tartaglione, we know that Mr. Gorgeous is very concerned about aging.

"I gained about 30 pounds, and I got a lot grayer," Basciano complained in the December 2003 meeting with Tartaglione in the Seacrest Diner on Long Island.

"My age looks like I caught up to you," he said to the then-66-year-old capo.

Ouch! Way to kick a Gorgeous man when he's down. And there's more:

"You know what the problem is, Vinny?" he began.

"I need to use more Grecian?" Basciano said.

In a secretly recorded sitdown a month later, Basciano marveled at Tartaglione's skin color. "All I know is you got some friggin' tan," Basciano said.

And the worst part is, Mr. Gorgeous has to sit and listen to this shit all day in court. Stay Gorgeous, Vinny.